Game Show Network

Last week we had a good therapy session where I sat down on the collective couch and let you in on my Wednesday doubles prowess, or fading lack thereof. It involved a good deal of crushed dreams, doubles strategy, catharsis, and Castrol GTX. Before we move on to my other seminal life events I am required to tell you that yesterday we once again split sets, mainly because Curtis Newman was inexplicably hitting winners on every ball he touched. No, that’s not a typo: Curtis was hitting winners. In one game particular game, I had hit 6 first serves and was still at deuce because CURTIS hit a forehand return winner, a backhand return winner, and a lob winner. In short, Curtis was treeing out of his mind (for you old people that means he was playing well above his standard level).

He was eating bananas!           

This week were going to explore another important part of my life – I know, it’s scary. In Clark Racquet Center is a room that serves as the player’s lounge and in that lounge is a TV. Now everyday there is a very important meeting that takes place in this room. At precisely 2:00 pm there is a gathering to watch the Game Show Network. Yes, the Game Show Network. Curtis, Mark Kroll, Ryan Hickman and myself always gather with a rotation of other players to watch. Our show of choice is Chain Reaction which involves two teams of three contestants playing for a grand total of $7,000. And yes all that money is split 3 ways after taxes, it’s great television. This has become so pervasive that we have been scolded for lateness to practice and this blog post was actually delayed because, you know it, I was watching Chain Reaction.

The game involves male and female teams trying to connect words listed on the screen. An example would be the word Stick with an S below it. Contestants guess the correct word with a letter added for each incorrect guess until one group makes a correct guess. In our example the correct answer for Stick is Shift. Here is a sequence from the show today.

Risky

Business

Contact

High

Sea

Captain

Kirk

For two 30 minute episodes we watch Chain Reaction and by watch I mean scream indiscriminately at the TV. Every wrong guess by us is obviously forgotten and every correct guess is only confirmation of our superior intellect. In one memorial instance, the all-male team was behind and needed to bet big in order to catch the female team. The word that came up was Rocket followed by an S underneath. When we all saw this we immediately started screaming Ship at the TV because, you know, they can hear us. The male team apparently thought just like we did, and bet all they had. The next letter was revealed to be an H just like we all knew it would be, the male team guessed Ship correctly, and we once again proved how freakishly smart we are.

Let this round table meeting begin

Oh wait, that didn’t happen at all! The next letter was actually a C. You could audibly feel our brains collectively exploding together in a devastating blow to our ego. The poor contestant on the show didn’t fare any better than us. His lips were already forming the word Ship even before the next letter arrived. The Females guessed Science, won the round and the show as we all set to the task of separating out our individual brain fragments from the simultaneous explosion that just occurred

After Chain Reaction the fun isn’t over. GSN’s run of 10 hours of Family Feud starts at 3:00. Family Feud needs no introduction, but if you don’t know what this is you were either deprived as a child and are now dead to me or you’re a zombie and are once again dead to me. Either way please step away from the computer and go stick a knife in a light socket (my lawyers tell me I am legally obligated to say you should not stick a knife in a light socket).

Family Feud involves more of us yelling at the TV with our intelligence once again being confirmed. I always wonder when the surveys were filled out and who is filling these things out. Question: Name a sport that has risen in popularity among female athletes. Answer: Wrestling. What kind of women are they hanging out with? I want to meet them!

Every day inevitably ends with Coach Rodgers or Coach Kris yelling at us to get down to the courts for practice while the Fast Money round is going on. “It’s the most important part of the game!”