IIAC Recap and Shortened Ride

Last Saturday I travelled to Pella, Iowa with the men’s team for our individual IIAC tournament. The Kohawks had a great showing with Noah Sprinkel winning the championship in singles and teaming with Riley Galbraith for the doubles title. Basically whoever played Noah got a good old-fashioned curb-stomping, even his own teammates – this is especially true for Ryan Hickman. This coming weekend the men are headed to St. Peter, Minnesota for their ITA tournament while the women travel to Dubuque for two conference matches. I’ll give a full recap of my experiences next week, but for now I would like to detail a fun little incident that happened to me on Wednesday.

We all know I have tentatively set foot in the world of cycling, and if you don’t know, then you didn’t read the blog last week… also I hate you. This week I decided to repeat my previous performance and set out for the trail for another ride. I was riding along mostly minding my own business when suddenly – POP! – that’s the sound a tire makes when it’s hemorrhaging air. My bike was losing precious fluid – air is technically a fluid – and I didn’t have a bike tourniquet or have any idea how to administer bike CPR.

He flatlined. We couldn't save him.

The technician at the bike shop would later tell me the tire spontaneously deflated due to glass, but I figured there was an alternative reason for my misfortune. Ya’see, the universe was teaching me a lesson. Previously before the rapid decompression of my tire I said I was “mostly minding my own business” which I was, mostly. But I was also randomly venting my hate on passing cars and, more specifically, the drivers in said cars. At one particular intersection, I waited for what seemed like an extra long time (probably 5 to 8 seconds) for a car to go. The car didn’t have its blinker on but that’s not always indicative of the driver’s intentions. After a few seconds, sure enough, the car turned in the intersection and would’ve run me over if I had not waited. I’m not going to write out all of what I said at this moment, but suffice to say that driver would no longer be with us if I my wish had been granted. “… please go kill yourself!” was how it ended I believe (at least I said please).

There’s no reason to be that angry. At the most I had to wait a few more seconds and everything turned out completely fine, except for my flat tire of course. It’s in these moments I’m reminded of that sage philosopher, who has spoken so much on this subject, Louis CK. 

He's the next Socrates, no kidding

When we’re driving around is when we should be on our best behavior. We’re driving a 2,000 lb weapon at high speed among a sea of other high speed weapons. When someone steps in front of us at the mall we don’t scream obscenities at them and chase them for 5 minutes, but place a few layers of metal and glass between us and there’s little we won’t say. My exhortation for that person to die is not the first time I’ve said that I must admit. You drifted into my lane and tested my reflexes for 1 second! And it all worked out fine! I hope you DIE! That sounds pretty ridiculous when you look at it now.

Louis (yeah we’re on a 1^st name basis now) went on to make a very good point. Think how awesome your life is. With just a boilerplate, basic cable life, you get to live on Earth! For trillions of miles in every directions it really sucks out there, but here you get to breath oxygen. You get to eat food! Are you aware of how good ice cream tastes? It’s amazing. That sounds preeettttyyy good. Are you aware we live in a world with bacon? Let that sink in, bacon.

What was I so upset about earlier? I can’t even remember. How can I be angry or upset when I get to live on Earth where there’s oxygen, ice cream, and bacon? I Pondered all of this while doing surgery to my bike.

He's Back!

With me and my bike mended, perhaps tomorrow I won’t wish calamity on every passing person I see on the streets. I’m going to be realistic; we’ll all still have our moments, so tomorrow I’m turning over a new leaf and only wishing terrible things on half the people on the road. Yeah that sounds good.