Eastern vs. Western....

Followers of our blog are presumed tennis folk, and thus, would read the above title expecting an article on the differences between the two grips. My apologies if disappointed, but the below article is actually in reference to eastern vs. western parenting and its relation to coaching.

I recently finished reading Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, written by Amy Chua. As a mother to an “almost 3” (in Emmie speak) year old, the book peaked my interest. Chinese children do tend to excel in the classroom, as well as various other activities they commit to…..or rather, the activities that their parents commit them to (as referenced in the book). And success inevitably leads to self-confidence, which is a core belief that I strive to instill in Emmie.

As shown below, believe I may have gone overboard this past Winter when expecting a 2 1/2 year old to ice skate.....the experience certainly did not instill self-confidence.

Honestly, I expected to be stunned by the extreme parenting techniques of the Chinese parent based on my limited knowledge of, and admittedly biased “through the grapevine” opinion. However, just a few short pages into the book, I quickly related to the author. We share a similar educational background (minus the Ivy League status on my behalf), many personality traits, and the strife for success/perfection in self and those lives around us that we are assisting to shape (children, students, athletes). Although a pared down, less intense version of (especially on the parenting side), I also related to her work ethic to attain success!

After completing the book, I actually believe my parenting style tips the scale in favor of Eastern parenting. In other words, I fall near the 3^rd bevel to relate back to tennis terminology. Ballpark figures of course, but I would guess that I am a 66% Tiger Mom and 79% Tiger Coach. Ballpark figures you may question? Yes, I am a numbers person and both 66 and 79 have meaning to me so those are the numbers I chose within the range believed to be.

Quotes from the book that caught my attention / lead me to believe I have the “tiger” within me:

“Never complain or make excuses. If something seems unfair at school, just prove yourself by working twice as hard and being twice as good.”

“Everything valuable and worthwhile is difficult.”

“There is nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn’t.”

“The Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they are capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.”

“A fundamental tenet of being Chinese is that you always do all of the extra credit all of the time.”

“Never not try something out of fear. Everything I’ve ever done that’s valuable is something I was terrified to try.”

“By squeezing out so much from every moment of every day, perhaps I imagined that I was buying myself more time. As a purely mathematical fact, people who sleep less live more.”

“But just because you love something, doesn’t mean you’ll ever be great. Not if you don’t work. Most people stink at the things they love.”

Where I differ with regard to eastern parenting/coaching is rooted in the concept of happiness. As Chua stated, “Happiness is not a concept I tend to dwell on. Chinese parenting does not address happiness. This has always worried me. When I see the piano and violin induced calluses on my daughters’ fingertips, or the teeth marks on the piano, I’m sometimes seized with doubt.”

Unlike the pure tiger parent, happiness and the enjoyment of the experience is a core tenet of mine, and Kohawk Tennis. It is one of the many reasons I coach at Coe!

Warning –

Don’t read the following paragraphs if you intend on reading the book, and would prefer that the ending be left in tact.

Ironically, as the author attempts to summarize her thoughts and wrap up the book, her daughter Sophia points out the core principles of Chinese parenting and their relation to western history:

“Ben Franklin said, ‘If thou loveth life, never ever EVER wasteth time.’ Thomas Jefferson said, ‘I’m a huge believer in luck, and the harder I work the more I have of it.’ And Alexander Hamilton said, ‘Don’t be a whiner.”

“Mommy, if the Founding Fathers thought that way, then it’s an American way of thinking.”

Regardless of where rooted, or applied, I personally will continue to parent and coach in an attempt to instill core values, build character, and confidence. I hope to limit the extremely harsh words/actions that Chua referenced at times, and embrace the process and experience of improvement as being enjoyable (happiness!).