Holiday Cheer

The holiday season is about to kick into full swing next week with Thanksgiving and the even bigger Black Friday celebrations bringing on the full feeling of holiday cheer. I’m sure we’re all excited for the holiday season and all the joyous feelings that it entails. I’ve been getting in the holiday spirit in a slightly different way from the norm of eating and shopping until you either develop Type II Diabetes or Bankruptcy – both detrimental to your health I’m sure. I have re-started my boxing lessons because nothing says Merry Christmas like a right hook to the face.

and a Happy New Year!

Now I’ve never been in a fight before in my life. My plan, if I ever get in a rough spot, is to follow comedian Rodney Carrington’s advice and just take my pants off… because no one wants to fight the naked guy. Or I would use my speed and run away as quickly as my feet could carry me. Obviously neither one of these plans inspires confidence and after successfully navigating my whole life thus far with nary an incident involving fisticuffs I have decided now is the time to learn how to fight.

So a couple of times a week, I wrap the wrists, don the mitts, and take the shirt off (in some ways I guess unclothing myself is still part of my fighting plan?) and work to learn the sweet science. I wish I could say I am the next de la Hoya, Mayweather, and Pacquiao all wrapped into one

And now, Gold-Money Pac Maaaaaaaaannnn!!!

Sadly for several weeks the first 30 minutes of each lesson was spent re-learning how to not swing like an idiot. Seemingly simple combos caused my brain to blow a gasket, “Oh sorry, when you said to throw a jab, punch, and 2 hooks I thought you just wanted 4 straight punches followed by me leaning my face into your swing.”

Finally after much practice and Zen-like patience from my instructor I have gotten to where it only takes 5 minutes at the beginning of each session for me to become un-stupid. It’s been great progress. In the course of our journey we found out something most people would find odd: I’m a much better southpaw than righty and my best punches definitely come from my left. This is not surprising for those that know I throw a baseball left-handed. I was always better at most tasks with my left hand until my pre-k teacher – who apparently was stuck in 1850 – decided I needed to be right handed and thus have no advantages in life. Thanks God I never threw anything in class, or I probably would’ve had to switch that too.

Left hands are of the devil or something

I realize that in the previous paragraph I have quite possibly given away my biggest advantage in a fight. If you’re reading this and plan on accosting me then please forget the fact that I will start out right handed and switch midway through to southpaw in an attempt to confuse you and land a big left on your face.  Otherwise I am ready for the holiday shopping season and all the joy that brings. Now that I think about it, I better go hit the heavy bag to make sure I have plenty of joy to spread around. 

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!