Brad's Top Women to Watch

Before I get started I need to say a happy belated birthday to my mother (to all you mothers out there, I’m not as bad a son as it sounds). 

A few weeks ago I listed my favorite male tennis players to watch. I want to be equal opportunity with my love (and hate), so here are my top 3 female players to watch. Remember, this is not who I think are the best three players in the game. These are simply my favorite players to watch.

Let’s start out with a few players who didn’t make my list and why.

Sharapova/Azarenka/any body who screams

I don’t care how good looking Sharapova is. I don’t care that Azarenka started out 2012 so well. They are annoying. End of story. Their constant shrieking is off-putting to spectators and casual tennis observers alike. And most importantly it’s off-putting to me! It’s like they are declaring war on their vocal cords and they are having a tougher battle exorcising those things than Emily Rose. Watch a men’s match and the only annoying noise is constant whining coming from Andy Murray. You may notice I only listed Sharapova and Azarenka by name, but if a player sounds like they are challenging a jumbo jet to a yelling match there’s a good chance I don’t enjoy watching them play.

Serena Williams

To say “she’s not my favorite” would probably be the understatement of the decade. If the fate of the world was in my hands and watching Serena would save humanity and not watching Serena would kill everyone, then my decision would be incredibly tough. Who am I kidding? That’s not a tough decision. Sorry world.

Don't give me that look. I will not be swayed!

During the 2011 US Open final she basically marred a great match being played by Sam Stosur with her antics which was nothing compared to her outburst during her semifinal against Clijsters in 2009. Serena became the only professional player I have ever seen on TV to lose because of point penalties. Serena was famously recorded telling a lines person all sorts of unscrupulous things, especially involving some very inappropriate uses for a tennis ball

I'm certain there's a warning label against that somewhere

Of course, after the incident Serena said she couldn’t remember what was said. “Hey I got an idea. Watch the video. If you do that, then you may remember when you told the line judge you wanted to **********censored*********.

Now, I present my Top 3 Female Players to Watch

3. Kim Clijsters

I know, Kim Clijsters is retired now. However, she did play this year which means she can still make the list. When I re-evaluate myself for the new year, I’ll have to find someone new to enjoy watching. Until then, I’m sticking with Clijsters!

I will admit I didn’t like Kim Clijsters very much at the beginning of her career. It wasn’t any indictment against her, but rather an indication of how I felt about the people associated with her. Clijsters was dating Lleyton Hewitt early in her career and there were two things I was sure of at that time in my life, a) Hot Pockets were delicious, and b) I did not like Lleyton Hewitt (I was wrong about one of those). To my teenage mind, Clijsters was associated with Hewitt which made her unlikable. Also Clijsters was Belgian, just like Justine Henin (back then it was Henin-Hardenne) and I disliked Henin, so once again Clijsters was disliked by association even though Clijsters and Henin had little in common and weren’t exactly best friends.  Now that I look back at those years, I’m not sure I liked anyone besides my dog and Andre Agassi.

We all love a great comeback story, and I loved watching Clijsters play in the 2009 US Open as part of her un-retiring. I especially loved the semifinals against Serena for reasons you have already read about. During her time off having kids, Clijsters somehow gained the ability to hit the ball harder and play smarter than the rest of the women’s field. It was great watching her absorb everyone else’s pace it put it right back at them, but it was also amazing to watch someone play with a game plan and adapt. I believe Sharapova’s game plan is something akin to this: Hit Ball. Hard. The great comeback story of Clijsters and her versatility warmed my heart, Grinch style, until I couldn’t help but root for her.

2. Caroline Wozniacki

Yes, tell me how Wozniacki isn’t very good at tennis (you’re wrong). Tell me how she didn’t deserve to be number 1 (wrong again). Tell me how she only makes the list because she’s good looking (ding, ding ding! We have a winner!). Okay, you have me there. Her looks are not the only reason I enjoy watching her play, but that sure doesn’t hurt. Wozniacki is good looking. I know it, you know it, she knows it. If you think that’s unacceptable criteria for choosing favorite players let me explain how un-correct you are. Sharapova is one of the most popular women in the game. If she is playing at a slam, you can bet her match will be televised. Now, do you think she would be so popular if she looked like Schiavone? Probably not. Her looks are one of the main reasons for her popularity. Please send angry emails about my blatant sexism to iwontreadthis@dontcare.com

But just to make sure I’m giving equal opportunity here, let’s talk about some guys. I can’t tell you how many women I have heard talk about how much they love Rafael Nadal (sometimes Verdasco is thrown in there too). When I point out that he’s always injured or was jedi mind-tricked by Djokovic for a whole year they stare at me like I just tried to explain Schrodinger’s Equation.

When did they start throwing letter in there?

“I don’t care. He’s hot!” is usually the response I get to that. I’m not even sure they are aware he’s left handed. It works both ways, looks matter. I do enjoy watching Wozniacki’s play as well. She’s a grinder in a game now dominated by aggressive baseliners. And while many deride her time at number one, I would like to point out that she held that position for longer than any woman has lately. Before Woz held that spot for 67 weeks, the number one spot was a roller coaster of players ascending to the top then nose diving down. She played a lot of tournaments, she had many good results, and I like watching he play.

1.Sam Stosur

I love watching Stosur play and there are a couple of reasons for this. First, she is jacked. Look at that picture above. Any woman who can undoubtedly lift more than me and beat me up automatically has my complete respect – and also my phone number if they want it. I don’t know what Stosur’s workout routine is, but it sure yields some awesome results.

Another reason for my Stosur love is the fact that she’s an Aussie and (I know Coach Rodgers will back me up on this) Australian people are awesome – Lleyton Hewitt notwithstanding. One of my favorite authors, Bill Bryson who I talked about last week, wrote a great book about his travels in Australia called In a Sunburned Country. Ever since reading that book I’ve wanted to visit Australia and have known that Aussies are cooler than everyone else.  Just listen to Stosur being interviewed. She has that sweet accent that everyone loves which says, "I mean business but I like to party too."

Kinda like a tuxedo shirt

Stosur also has a fun game to watch. Her one-two combinations with her kick-serve and forehand make for some very good tennis. Everyone knows the pattern, it’s just a matter if it can be stopped or not. And above all that, Stosur laid the proverbial smack-down on Serena during their US Open final which was a sweet symphony of forehand winners for my soul.