Thursday, January 31, 2013

Rough Riders Hockey


Folks, it’s 5 degrees outside with a -11 degree wind chill which has led me to a state of delirium in which I’m going to discuss something of have no experience or practical knowledge: hockey. That’s right, the patron sport of Canada; a country world renowned for its sports and athletic prowess. Last Saturday members of the Coe tennis teams went to watch the Cedar Rapids Rough Riders play the Green Bay Gamblers. Since I had never been to a hockey… whatever it is they call their contests (games? matches? international friendlies?) I cleared my already busy schedule in order to take part in this seminal event. It wasn’t easy turning down a night of eating Subway and continuing my study of The Lucifer Principle but, you know, I couldn’t let the team down.

We arrived at the game/match thing and I immediately formed my first conclusion. Now this may surprise some of you, but just like many other sporting events, hockey isn’t exactly a high brow affair. Judging by the amount of Busch Light, unkempt facial hair, and glorious absence of sophistication (to quote Jeff Foxworthy) I knew we were in the right place. As we were walking into the arena, I did have a strange feeling of familiarity. It was probably the ACDC and Metallica music playing too loudly which reminded me of similar gatherings back in Texas. The main difference being that in Iowa it’s call hockey but back home it’s called a rodeo. Throw some dirt over that ice and get some bulls out there and we got ourselves a redneck festival.

Our center and right wing

Unfortunately, this is where the similarities ended because the game started. The puck was dropped and the thrilling action began… “wait! Where’s the puck! I can’t see it!” The first thing I learned about hockey was that the tiny black puck was really difficult to see. While most of the crowd was either yelling or cheering for the current action that was happening, my eyes were searching the area vacated 3 seconds earlier for the puck. Every few minutes I would yell out, “what’s going on?!” Since Curtis, my resident hockey expert, wasn’t sitting next to me I got no answers, only dumbfounded stares.

Also known as Nicolas Cage's normal look

Since I could only follow half of the action on the ice, I spent the rest of my time surveying the crowd and, wow, there were some real winners there. One guy a few rows back from me had a few Busch Lights too many and forgot all words of the English language except the phrases, “hit somebody” and “let’s fight.” I referred to him as “that stupid, fat, drunk, redneck a few rows back,” it really rolls off the tongue. If we had the puck, “hit somebody.” If Green Bay had the puck, “hit somebody.” If Green Bay scored, “let’s fight!”

My other favorite hockey patron was obviously a regular and called out the Rough Rider players by name. The captain, Brady, was really getting an earful from this guy. You see, Brady was apparently not having a good game, and this guy wanted to make sure everyone knew it. “Brady! You’re playing a terrible game!” or “Brady! If you keep turning that puck over I’m gonna come get you!” an my personal favorite, “Brady! I’m gonna rip that ‘C’ off you shirt and give it to Wade!!!!!!” Suffice to say, Brady didn’t have the best game and neither did the rest of the team. One of the few times I could follow the puck clearly was when we shot it at the goal. I think we were confused and thought the key was to aim for the goalie’s glove and if that’s the case, then we are some crack shots. Every shot seemed to go into the goalie’s glove, very slowly.

The highlight of the night came in the 2nd period when it was already obvious we playing for second place in a two person race. It got a little rough out there, as hockey games are want to do, and the event everyone was really there to see took place. The sticks were dropped, the gloves were tossed aside, and the fight was underway! Now, Coe Alum and boxing guru Steve Eden teaches the Rough Riders how to box, so I took it upon myself to yell for Steve. “Punch him in the face! Go Steve. Get him Steve!” The Rough Rider player fell down like a baby deer learning how to walk, but I feel Steve would have been proud of him for landing three punches while lying on his back. Good job guys, now go sit in the penalty box.

Also known as a time out

I wish there was more to report about the game, but I don’t know anything else about hockey. Since we were losing I kept hoping for the flying-v formation to get us back in the game, Mighty Ducks style but I was saddened to learn that’s not a real thing. And neither is anything else in those movies. However, indoor football season starts soon, and I’m sure I’ll have more insight into that event. According to my sources its even less refined than hockey. I can’t wait.

Resolution update:
Number of lucid dreams: 0
Number of unassisted handstand pushups: 0

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Snow!

So the second significant snowfall of this winter is in the process of falling as I write.....Coach Brad's first Iowa snow......so, that raises certain questions:

will Brad emerge from his house today, or not?

and will he still be wearing shorts?

STAY TUNED as we await answers! 

a) Brad DID show up for work. At 1057am even!
b) Brad was adorned in hiking boots, SmartWool socks, and LONG PANTS!

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

RoughRiders Hockey

7 members of the women's team, 5 members of the men's team, 3 coaches and Emmie all ventured to the RoughRiders hockey game this past Saturday.

A big thank you to Steve Eden for his assistance in facilitating the event!



Monday, January 28, 2013

Season Preview

The 2013 season opens up this Saturday at the friendly confines of the Clark Racquet Center with matches against Wisconsin-Eau Claire(9am) and Principia College(5pm). The following Saturday(2/9) the Kohawks host Wisconsin-LaCrosse(9am) and Monmouth College(5pm). All four schools finished 2012 in the top 25 in the KTeR computer Central Region rankings.

Eau Claire

UWEC finished at #25, but was 2nd in the tough WIAA behind nationally ranked Whitewater. Eau Claire also returns five of six starters and welcomes in a talented class of first-year players. The #1 singles promises to be exciting as EC's top returner, Ryan Vande Linde, owns a win over Coe's #1, Noah Sprinkel. Coach Tom Gillman's teams always feature excellent doubles play with an old-school emphasis on lobs and angles.

Principia College

Principia returns to the Coe schedule in 2013 for the first time since the early 1990's. Principia finished at #21 in the Central Region and dethroned perennial champion Westminster College to capture the SLIAC. Principia returns two starters(#2 & #5) and welcome in a large and talented freshman class headlined by Joey Sander.

LaCrosse

Coach Bill Hehli has compiled one of his best squads of this century as five starters return and the addition of a D1 transfer to slip into the #1 slot vacated by standout Nick Piotrowski. Like Eau Claire, LaCrosse plays formidable doubles and both squads have given Coe fits in doubles play.

Monmouth College

Coach Chad Braun continues to improve the Scot's tennis program that was recently re-started after a ten year hiatus. Monmouth returns four starters from last year's Midwest Conference runner-ups. Chris Franco returns at #1 singles and the strength for the Scots resides in their doubles play at the #1 and #2 spots.

Coe College

The Kohawks lost two outstanding players, Victor Khristenko and Jonathan Roger, to graduation, but do have an outstanding group of first year players and returners. Saturday will mark the debut appearance for Geoffrey Brochet, Zack Decker, Riley Galbraith, Ryan Hickman, Yasushi Inoue, and Mark Kroll.  Returning starters include Noah Sprinkel(#1), Sean Stokstad(#3), Jeff Damisch(#4), Curtis Newman(#5) and Mike Woolfe(#2d). Junior lettermen, Alex Klaas, Mike Janssen and Daken Starkenburg are also in the mix for playing time. Coe has high hopes for this year, with outstanding depth providing spirited and competitive practice sessions.

Challenge Matches - VIDEO

Held challenge matches this past weekend - Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Video of play:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcEg86R5HOg

Thursday, January 24, 2013

New Year's Resolutions


It’s Thursday again, and as evidenced by the words forming on the screen while my hands move on the keyboard, it must be time for another blog post. Either that or I’m trapped in my own personal hell known as high school English.

The month of January is the start of a new year and with that comes the start of many new resolutions. In thinking about why many resolutions (for example: all of them) fail I have come up with a novel solution. You see, most resolutions operate on a basic scale. The zeal with which most people go after them is inversely proportional to their waistline. As the days wear on if our waistlines shrink, the excitement of actual results grows and we keep increasing efforts. On the other hand, when no waistline results are seen, our resolution resolve plummets and our waistline continues its upward march. If January is where resolutions come to life, February is why they go to irrevocably die.  

What I think of when I think of February

Luckily for me, I didn’t start implementing my new year’s resolutions until last week so I’m probably good until March. My resolution last year was the incorporation of the words hubris and esoteric into everyday conversations. Think of everyday words as sugary snacks to the brain and my new words as broccoli and spinach. They’re good for you, but if anyone sees you using them they look at you as if you have two heads or disdain you for showing off in front of them (I was). I stuck to this resolution fairly well until summer – you know, for swimwear season – but I eventually succumbed to the temptation and went back, addled to my old ways, in the buffet of gluttony that is easy everyday speech. . “Other words are so easy to use! It’s tough sticking with it when everyone else is gorging!” Okay, I think this metaphor is played out.

This year I have two more resolutions primed and ready to go. My first resolution is to become a lucid dreamer. According to sources (Wikipedia), “a lucid dream is any dream in which one is aware that one is dreaming.” The dreamer may be able to exert control over their participation in the dream as well as control over their imaginary experiences within the dream environment. If anyone doesn’t see the implications of this and think that sounds AWESOME, then you are dead inside. You cold, cold heartless monster. Imagine a world that is incredibly realistic and vivid, and now imagine that you are completely in charge of it! Wanna play in a grandslam final? Go ahead. Wanna be a famous singer? The world is your oyster. Wanna be president and nuke everybody? Sounds great, start with congress and work your way down. It’s like the movie Inception but no one’s trying to steal your bank account number and your crazy wife is locked up far, far away.

Wife? Of course I'm not married

These things all sound great on their own, but now add in the fact that the normal laws of physics don’t have to apply and you are set for your own superhero adventure replete with enough firepower to make the Avengers look like amateurs. I have all the abilities of the X-men, Thor, and Spiderman and have the Force also just in case. Michael Bay thinks he’s done some stupid stuff? Well he has, but that’s nothing compared to the lunacy that’s going to be rolling around in my world.

I consider this his opus

Of course, we’ve all had dreams and most of them were probably not lucid, so how do we tap into this precious ability to make Mary Carillo stop talking? I must admit I’m not completely sure. I have, however, begun a dream journal which I hope will alleviate the Dark Side clouding my Force powers. It’s fairly simple, every morning when I wake up I write down the dream I had from the night before. If you don’t remember your dreams, at this point you’re probably screwed. Sorry. For everyone else this is a good start… I hope. My latest dream involved me siphoning off water from the ground while watching a tennis match (I was thirsty?). This siphoning then turned into a full fledged geyser which necessitated abandoning the match. Nothing strange about that, oh yeah and some other stuff happened, T-Rex got loose, I drove a forklift, the Texas Rangers got their second win, I baked some cookies, Pooh Bear gave me a glass of saltwater to drink, and I gave said glass to my friend. It was delicious.

A journal will also make you realize how weird dreams are. And now it’s time to move on to resolution number 2: Handstand pushups. A handstand pushup shouldn’t need any further explanation, you do a handstand and since you’re so fit you figure you might as well get some reps in while your there. My reasons for wanting to do this fall in line with my reasons for doing most things: I’m trying to show off. And what better way to show off than by inverting your body in a display of shoulder, arm, and core strength and balance while everyone else looks on with disgust. So far I haven’t been very rigorous with this resolution because it hurts when your arms collapse and you body entire body weights comes to rest on your head.


Contrast that with what its supposed to look like



My goal is be able to rep these out by the end of the semester. I will keep you updated on my progress throughout this semester, don’t you worry. If there is any handstand pushups being had, I will make sure everyone knows, and I mean everyone.

So get out there, work on your own resolutions, and remember the advice of Thoreau: “If one marches confidently in the direction of his dreams… he will meet with success unexpected in common hours, so quit your crying and suck it up.” 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Doubles VIDEO

I spent this past weekend in sunny CA playing beach ultimate frisbee.  Think experienced a 75 degree drop in temperature yesterday en route home.

Emmie on my shoulders as we descend in Temescal Canyon Gateway Park - in the Pacific Palisades, and a short walk from my cousin's house.

Not surprisingly, Kohawk Tennis continued to make strides without me.  The courts were full much of the weekend with doubles challenge matches.  A short recap/video for you here!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIJbgh_tXsE


Sunday, January 20, 2013

AO Round of 16-Set 5

Like most tennis fans over the age of 40 and residing in the Eastern/Central time zones, I was pleased to awaken and discover live tennis on from Melbourne. Stan Wawrinka and Nole Djokovic were deadlocked at 1-1 in the final set when I got the coffee made and the TV set tuned.

So for the better part of the next two hours these two battled battled back and forth until the final point, the best point of the fifth set, ended with a Djokovic BH cross court pass that left Stanislaus stretched out on the ground and gave Nole a 12-10 win.

The beauty of this is that this was totally unexpected. Wawrinka has brilliant shotmaking ability including an excellent one-handed BH, but has always come up short on the big stages in either fitness, or late match toughness. And Djokovic is #1 in the world, and seemingly never has a bad day, especially in Grand Slam events.

Not today.

I have not yet seen the replay of the first four sets, however the fifth set gave plenty of indicators of what had occurred earlier.

Here's what I saw:
1) Djokovic was a bit off his feed, due in part to Wawrinka's play. His FH and his return were abysmal. At least by his standards.
2) Wawrinka had a great day. Darrin Cahill, the best commentator in the game, opined that this was by far the best he had seen him play.
3) Wawrinka had an excellent game plan. As in other matches, I have noticed that the players not named Djokovic, Federer, Murray, Nadal and Ferrer, have realized they are not out "grinding" those five( and a couple other wannabes) so they have adjusted their tactics. Now playing closer and inside the baseline whenever possible, and taking "risks". Even playing the net!
4) Wawrinka was noticeably fitter. Maybe down 10-15 pounds?
5) Both players were very cognizant of the score and length of the match from the 7th game of the final set onward. Wawrinka dealt with leg cramp issues, Djokovic was visibly a step slower and laboring with breathing. Which I don't recall seeing in the past three years. As such, there were many "easy" holds of serve when they opted to let games "go" after losing the first two points.
6) Great clutch serving and shot-making by both.
7) As the set went on and on, I felt that first serve % would be key. If both players could keep making first serves they would hold easy. (Points won on 1st serves 71/68%). If either missed a first, the receiver had a 50-50 chance(final stats 55/52% points won on 2nd serve) In the 22nd game Wawrinka missed a few 1st serves and the odds shifted towards the best receiver in the game.
8) Wawrinka had tears in his eyes at the end, and so did I. I felt for him, He just played in all likelihood the best tennis match of his life, against a top player in tennis history, and yet the tennis gods still "smiled" upon Djokovic. Tennis isn't fair, but regardless of the result "hat's off" to both players for an epic performance.

Couple other quick AO observations:

1) The first week belonged to the Women. Far more competitive matches, and when they weren't competitive, sheer brilliance by the winner.
2) Until Friday night(Saturday in Melbourne) the Men's draw was drab. No other word for it.
3) Andy Murray has the easiest path thru the 16's and 8's.
4) Chris Fowler(ESPN) should stick to college football. He's paired with two of the top three analysts in Men's Tennis(Cahill & BradGilbert) and he won't let them analyze, choosing to do so himself.
5) Berdych has been playing lights out. Let's see if he can do so in the quarters for a change.
6) Top 4 Women's seeds seem on a collision course. Jamie Hampton made Vika appear mortal and vulnerable, Serena looks unbeatable, Maria is on a roll, and Radwanska is Martina Hingis re-created.

Friday, January 18, 2013




Greg Janssen Tabbed Head Coach of Men's Tennis Team

RIPON, Wis. - The Ripon College athletic department announced Thursday that Greg Janssen has been selected to lead the Red Hawks men's tennis team this spring.

Janssen comes to Ripon from Bates (ME) College, where he served as an assistant coach for both the men's and women's teams. While at Bates, Janssen was named the 2012 ITA Northeast Region Assistant Coach of the Year, helping the school reach a number 15 ranking in Division-III. He also helped Bates defeat the fourth and 16th-ranked teams in the country, while coaching two All-Americans and three players ranked in the top 30 individually.

Prior to his time at Bates, Janssen served as an Assistant Tennis Professional at two different clubs in Cedar Rapids, Iowa and at the Oshkosh Recreation Department in Oshkosh, Wis.

A 2010 graduate of Coe College in Cedar Rapids, Janssen earned his B.A. in Business Administration, where he was a four-year member and a captain of the Kohawks tennis team. He was the Iowa Conference MVP in 2010.

Janssen currently resides in Oshkosh.

Congratulations to Greg. Ripon College has a proud history in Men's Tennis. Here's hoping he can restore some of the luster that legendary Coach, Chuck Larson built in the 80's & 90's!




Thursday, January 17, 2013

First Post of 2013


It’s been a month since my last post and I know the only thing you wanted for Christmas was for me to start blogging again. Indeed you probably rolled this wish into a New Year’s resolution that stated you would exercise, eat right, and lay off the adult drinks until I started writing again. Well I’m here to say that lucky for you, this resolution will be just as short lived as all the others.  That’s right folks, this is my first blog post of 2013! So put up the treadmill and get out the donuts. Put the kids to bed and fire up the blender because we are back! We are back!

and we are getting Doug back!

I spent my semester break in my hometown of Vernon, Texas and I’m sure you want me to regale you with all the tales of my amazing ventures, so here goes. I got to Texas on December 17th and flew back to Cedar Rapids on January 11th

Okay that’s about it. Unfortunately my hometown is the opposite of a large, exciting metropolis. It’s more like the Mecca of small-town-not-a-lot-to-do-boringness.

Since a two sentence paragraph over my Christmas experiences hardly justifies a blog post let’s talk about something else.

The Australian Open started this week and anyone worried that the break would make me soft in my judgment can rest easy once again. I am back and stronger than ever. Happily, I spent the entire semester break nurturing my disdain for all things affiliated with Andy Murray, Serena Williams, and Mary Carillo. “What’s that? They all breath air just like me? No! My body has betrayed me for 24 years now!” As you can see, I have distilled this righteous judgment to such high potency that withholding it from the world for any longer would probably be fatal.  

His blood judgment concentration was 1.5

 Lucky for me Mary Carillo has been nowhere in sight since ESPN and Tennis Channel are running the show, but I’m still getting a hefty dose of Shriver and Navratilova which when combined together can be just as detrimental to one’s health. However, in the spirit of love, let’s get right down to it and examine the odds of winning the tournament for my favorite players (Federer, Ferrer, and Baghdatis for the men and Stosur, Wozniacki, and Clijsters for the women).

Starting with the men, Federer always has a chance to win any tournament he’s entered in. Now some people will point out that he’s somewhat of an old man now at 31 years old with 2 kids and only 1 major in the last two years, but Federer would retort that he reached number 1 again last year and his greatest nemesis (Nadal) is absent from the draw. Also his contracts with Nike, Wilson, Gillette, Lindt, Mercedes, Rolex, and Net Jets says he’s better than you (this is all just hypothetical, I don’t know what he would say because I’ve never met the guy). Yeah, I'm sticking with my guy to win this tournament. I am in somewhat of a quagmire with my other two favorite players since Ferrer and Baghdatis play each other in the 3rd round. After much soul searching (approximately 5 seconds) I have decided to go with Ferrer on this one. Ferrer has been incredibly consistent over the past few years, and he’s one of the few players in the top half of the draw who can push Djokovic. I am however going to take the over with Baghdatis and say he’s going to break more than 2 rackets.

The women are a bit of a different story since, apparently, all of my favorite women players don’t like winning anymore. Clijsters was selfish and retired last year. Something about family and having more kids. What about me Kim! Did you think about you’re adoring fan who watched you only when convenient and mostly just at grandslams!? This brings us to Caroline Wozniacki who, fortunately still looks good, but unfortunately is regressing in her tennis game like ice in the Arctic. She lost first round at both Wimbledon and the US Open last year and hadn’t won a match in 2012 before the start of the Australian Open this year. Wozniacki is still in the draw (barely) which is good enough for me. She’ll probably get to the quarterfinals where she will lose to the doubles duo of Azarenka and Azarenka’s screaming which hardly seems fair since it is a singles draw.

This brings us to Sam Stosur. It’s well known that Stosur doesn’t play well in her country’s home slam, but every year I trick myself into believing this Australian Open will be different. This year I was especially excited because the WTA allowed Stosur to play with a team consisting of herself and two superheroes

Thor is on the other side

During Stosur’s second round match she started out slow but managed to win the 2nd set and get up 2 break in the final set. It was at this point, assured of victory, that I decided to go to bed. I’m a good fan like that. I woke up the next morning and checked Stosur’s final score and next opponent. “Let’s see she won the final set 5-7 so she’ll play. . . Wait! Whhaaatttttt???? Funny thing, it turns out Stosur didn’t win. Somehow she was able to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Be sure to check back next week where we will go over New Year’s resolutions and crown a new favorite player to take over Kim Clijster’s place.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Men's Practice - Video

A quick video from the first practice today:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR2hVMUgHSU



The courts, and Racquet Center, were busy!   Not only were the courts full of tennis players from 2:45-7 PM, but the lobby fitness equipment was in full swing as well.  For the first time in my span at Coe, there wasn't a single piece of equipment available for use at one point in time.....hope the "New Year's Resolutions" stick as it ties in with the Spring release of Kohawk FIT and the COrE Challenge!

Happy Monday!

Literally, a Happy Monday for Kohawk Tennis.  The students returned to campus.  Men's practice starts this afternoon!  Pictures/video to come.

Admit to having taken some semblance of a break these past few weeks.  Although, not sure how many others would deem 5 consecutive days with 19 relatives (Emmie and I's Christmas) a "break".

Coach Brad and myself were called out on Saturday night for not having posted to the blog of recent.  I am reinstating both of us to active duty.  Thus, expecting a quality editorial from Coach Brad on Thursday!

In other news, Tom Jennings ('08) has become the official Peanut Butter & Jelly stock boy.  We thank him in advance for his generous donation to betterment of our program.

Emmieism's from the past month:
-  "Know what.....I flushed pieces of money down the toilet.....I'm sorry I did that."
-  "It's not nice to steal.....I'm not rooting for the Steelers."
-  While in church on Christmas eve:
    "Uh-oh, he said Holy God." (in reference to the Pastor)
    "Jesus moved to our neighborhood?"  (her interpretation from the sermon)
    "Why is that man taking everyone's money?"
-  While waiting for company to arrive this past Saturday....."Maybe you should put out some cold beer and wine."
-  "When a boy wears girl clothes....that's called a drag queen."  (she informed my father of this)
-  "Why do we have to keep opening presents?"  (stated Christmas morning)

Friday, January 4, 2013

It's about that time.....

Just a few short days left until all "heck" breaks loose. School starts January 14th, as does Men's practice. And while I'm still trying to figure out how to schedule practices with 22 men on 4 indoor courts, I can appreciate the quiet, solitude, and time......



.... but soon I will need to get out of my rocking chair!










WELCOME TO 2013!